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69 is a love it or hate it situation and is also referred to as the funniest number for a particular sort of individual. (See “14 Reasons Never To Turn 69” for a detailed explanation of “hatred”).
And to be completely honest, lying in position 69 might appear more attractive on a sexual wish list than it does in your actual bed. It takes the right attitude and timing to give what you hope will be superb oral sex while trying to notice your partner giving you the same. As well as being uncomfortable. The feeling of giving and receiving can be mixed with a sublime experience that will make both you and your partner feel connected to the next level at the same time, but it’s also extremely intimate, even if just for a brief period of time.
Therefore, how does one achieve the sublime?
According to Janet Brito, Ph.D., a professional sex therapist and supervisor at the Center for Sexual and Reproductive Health in Honolulu who is also a registered clinical psychologist, “69 is about shared enjoyment.” “Be curious and take your time.”
Since it requires coordination and the capacity to concentrate on making your partner feel good while simultaneously concentrating on how good he makes you feel and ALSO concentrating on how haphazardly long his second toe is, this is one of those sexual acts that can look better than they actually feel. The urge to cause the other to orgasm at the same time when there is so much going on is a great task, but it is not to suggest that simultaneous pleasure is not feasible or enjoyable.
However, if you prefer to be in charge, have your companion lie on their back as you approach from above, facing their feet. Then, in what must feel strange, she does a full vertical blowjob or cunnilingus. Your partner’s mouth should be able to access your genitalia. Change it up and allow your partner take the lead if you grow tired, but keep in mind that you lose some control if you do it (and that cock may hit your gag reflex unexpectedly).
Toys can increase sensation, making 69 much more engaging. Have a beloved vibrator pressed against you by your lover. Try using a vibrating cock ring with your mouth or a masturbation sleeve if your penis is in your face. If you’re dealing with a V, give them their preferred toy in return. Watch the simultaneous machine-powered orgasms in all their grandeur as the toys carry out their tasks.
Play with the balance of power by letting the partner in control rule the situation. The selected dominator presses their groyne into the lips of the bottom partner while straddling them to control what they get (a face fuck, if you will). The bottom person in a BDSM play receives a sex wedge to raise their butt for easier access or a neck pillow for support.
By trading off, you can stay out of the strange 69 zones where you’re simultaneously providing and receiving but failing at both. Bring your lover almost on the verge of climax, then switch to torture them. Continue turning off and adding hands or toys as necessary or desired.
If 69 doesn’t cause you to orgasm (which is fine, incidentally), just take pleasure in it as a leisurely, non-goal-oriented method to enjoy yourself with your partner. 69 feels less performative (must…orgasm) and is much easier to relax into when you rethink it as a starting activity before more focused stimulation with toys, hands, or penetration. Consider laying with your sides facing one another. It can make people feel more comfortable and compensate for inequalities in height.
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