“He does have a sex drive, but just not with me. I’m not sure what to do or how to address this with him, especially since I shouldn’t have been snooping.”

I’m Zachary Zane, a Australia Escort Service sex writer, author, and ethical Boyslut (a fancy way of saying I sleep with a lot of people, and I’m very, very open about it). Over the years, I’ve had my fair share of Escort Agency Melbourne sexual experiences, dating and sleeping with hundreds of people of all genders and orientations. In doing so, I’ve learned a thing or two about navigating issues in the bedroom (and a bunch of other places, TBH). I’m here to answer your most pressing Melbourne CBD escorts sex questions with thorough, actionable advice that isn’t just “communicate with your Escort Agency Box Hill partner” because you know that already. Ask me anything—literally, anything—and I will gladly Sexplain It.

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Dear Sexplain It,

I’m a 24-year-old female, and my boyfriend is 26. Recently, temptation got the best of me, and when I was on my boyfriend’s laptop, I looked up his browser history. I discovered that he watches a ton of very mature grandma porn. It’s the only thing that he watches: Young men having sex with women over 70.

I’m not judging, but I can’t help but feel weird since I do not look like that, and I’m about a third of the age of the women he’s watching online. I feel like if our sex life was great, this wouldn’t bother me as much, but I often want to have sex, and he does not. And when we do have sex, he seems checked out.

He also watches his GILF porn nearly every day, so he does have a sex drive, but just not with me. I’m not sure what to do or how to address this with him, especially since I shouldn’t have been snooping. Please advise.

—Snooper

Dear Snooper,

I agree with you wanting to get to the bottom of the sexual issues in your relationship, but I don’t agree with you snooping on your boyfriend’s porn history—nor do I support your theory that his affinity for GILF porn is necessarily causing the aforementioned sexual issues.

While his porn consumption could be influencing his lack of sexual desire, I don’t want you to jump to that conclusion without talking to him. Because it could also be that his fantasy is boning hot grandmas—I’m here for it! Who among us doesn’t love a sexy GILF?—and he started watching more of his favorite porn because you two haven’t been sexually connecting for other reasons. I know you’re feeling insecure because your boyfriend watches porn involving older women who look nothing like you, but we don’t have nearly enough information to conclude that that’s the reason for your sexual issues.

What you should have done instead of snooping is talk to your partner to gain a better sense of what’s holding back your sexual relationship. Then you two should have worked on addressing those issues together. I still think you should do that, but now, you need to use the first part of your conversation to own up to your sins.

I recommend having a sit-down chat with him outside the bedroom at a time when neither of you is particularly stressed. Tell your boyfriend: “I need to confess that I snooped on your computer and looked at your porn history in a totally misguided attempt to get some answers about our sex life. It was so wrong of me, and I’m sorry. And, if you’re open to it, I’d still love to talk about our sex life if you’re still open to having that conversation.”

He may be pissed, as is his right. If so, just acknowledge your mistake. Don’t justify it by saying, “But it was coming from a good place because I want to fix our sex life!” Simply acknowledge that it was wrong and that it won’t happen again. Understand that he may need time to cool off.

When he’s ready, share how you feel like you haven’t been having a lot of sex, and when you do have sex, you feel like you haven’t been connecting. Then ask him what his thoughts are to see if he feels the same way. From there, you can explore solutions, whether it’s sharing your kinks or exploring mindfulness exercises to stay grounded during sex.

As you explore solutions, it’s also worth talking about other aspects of your relationship that have nothing to do with sex. Often, what’s happening outside the bedroom contributes to the problems we experience in the bedroom. Is your boyfriend stressed about work? Family issues? Money? The answer to your problems could be anything from a trip to the sex shop to finding a therapist.

And in the highly unlikely event he does say the issue is that all he wants to do is bone grandmas? Well, at least the cat’s out of the bag, and you both can proceed accordingly.

But I doubt that’s the case. Porn is often about fantasy, so it isn’t a reflection of what we actually want to do in bed with our partners. There’s likely something else going on—something that you two can work on together—but you’re not going to learn what that is unless you talk to him.